Three years on...

It's been nearly three years since I moved to Sweden and nearly five years since the summer that inspired much of my decision to do so. My very first post on here was of my favorite lake, Mälaren and a quote from a fellow WWOOFer and traveler during my time in Strängnäs:

"Do crazy stuff as much as you can. Don't turn into one of those boring, tie-wearing wankers who know nothing but their job... you have had your eyes opened, so keep them open as long as you can." 

Compared to how I was before, the only difference between me and those boring, tie-wearing wankers is that I don't wear a tie - well, not usually. I seemed to have lost sight of things a bit lately. Not to say that my life has been miserable, not in the least, and I certainly like my job but I fully realize that I am leaving so much more fun and happiness on the table that is rightfully mine. I just need to wake up a bit, let go of the past and take it - I have woken up now.

I'm hopeful, because it's funny how quickly things can change. The perfect and most satisfying example being my last post - the girl I was always hoping to meet and fell in love with was leaving for Mexico for six months and it nearly broke my heart. But fast-forward 10 months, a trip to Mexico (plus a few others), a couple hundred Skype calls, six thousand Facebook messages and we're together and as in love as ever...

Feeling uninspired and allowing certain parts of yourself to stagnate is never a good thing. I've had a great run and achieved a lot of my goals but I'm not nearly over, in fact, I have to see this as only the beginning because in a lot of ways, it is. I am entering a new part of my life in Sweden. A new apartment, a girlfriend I adore and who adores me, and free healthcare - fuck yeah!

This summer will be one to remember - filled with new experiences, warm sunsets, good friends and lots of love... (and maybe even a trip to my beloved Mälaren).

Lake Mälaren

She Lost Me, I Never Had Her

I really thought it was different this time, because it felt that way.
And so I never saw it as a burden, it was simply waiting for something worthwhile, more real.
It was enough for me, but it just wasn't for her.
I like my freedom too but now it feels like I'm being forced to move on which kills me...
Because when I finally do, it will be for good and it will break my heart... cause there's no going back.
She lost me, whereas I never had her.
(I just hope I can look back at some point and feel as though it was for the best.)

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
― Tupac Shakur

Don't Save Me

Ever since I was a child, music has defined my life... not in a music-nerd kind of way, I was just always able to find songs that perfectly captured how I was feeling during that moment or part of my life, always had a knack for it... maybe because being heartbroken or yearning for something or someone occurred on a regular basis. But it seems to be truer now (at the ripe-old of of 26) more than ever...

I knew I loved this song for a reason:

"Say you, say you will save me

Say you, say you will... 

See I wanna know
Give me, give me all your love

If you can't hold on 

Then baby, baby don't save me now

(if your love isn't strong)

Baby, don't save me now."

I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

"Love, I don't like to see so much pain

So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away

I get so tired of working so hard for our survival

I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive..."

When life is good, it's really good...

Hven

I'm happiest when I'm surrounded by my friends, eating & drinking the night away. Because sometimes, when everything is just right, I feel this way:

“Have you ever had a moment where you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were in the right place? That you were on the right journey? Maybe the sense that you’d crossed a boundary, jumped a hurdle, and somehow, after facing some unconquerable mountain, found yourself suddenly on the other side of it?

When the night was warm and the wind was cool, and a song carried through the quiet streets around you. When you felt the entire world around you, and you were part of it—of the hum of it—and everything was good.

Contentment, I suppose, is the simple explanation for it. But it seems more than that, thicker than that, some unity of purpose, some sense of being truly, honestly, for that moment, at home. Those moments never seem to last long enough."

- Chloe Neill